Engineering my Dream World

I know it was very difficult when I observe the story and being a part of the story, It’s a story about a boy and girl. The story is like a movie and never expected to be real but believe me every part of the story is true.

A boy and a girl come from a far far away to study in the heart of Belgium higher education “K.U. Leuven”, never seen each never known each other and never talked and never thought about each other before. Surprisingly the girl was admitted first to the University of Gent because of her program but still they were unknown to each other and the boy was in K.U Leuven. After finishing her first semester the girl came to join K.U. Leuven and to continue her study. In the residence of the university the story began. They met each other since the girl was staying in the same 1^st floor but it was the farthest room, the boy’s room was first on the floor. The boy always watched her listening to the music from her cell phone, even sometimes in the morning listening to the music loudly and eating her noodles, sometimes she even sings and dance herself. She was very crazy about the music bands. Whenever the boy meets her on the kitchen of the floor she talks about music bands and the boy was too shy to ask her more than anything a few sentences. Time pass by, then one day she was frying spring rolls (those who don’t know it is a very delicious food), she told she took them from home and offered her to try but as usual the boy was too shy to taste but he gather some courage and tasted one, he liked that very much and he wanted to try another one but was too shy to ask her for another one. He began to like her, watched her dancing in kitchen and noticed her in the kitchen. He wants to talk with her but he couldn’t bring all his courage together. Time continues, the exam comes she began studying very hard, since her subject was very hard. She always come late in her room from the library and the boy studies in his room and notice her coming…She came late cooked the rice for the night but mostly for next day carrying it to the library for having lunch. In the morning when the boy is still in the bed he could listen her coming to the kitchen eating her noodles or sometimes a bit of chicken. One day he asked only soup in the morning, it is okay for me, she replied. She some time asks him how is it going on? The boy says it is good and all are mathematics, she says you are very good at mathematics. I have math too but I don’t like. Sometimes I even forget how to do differentiation. Then one day she knocks on his door and asked him could you calculate this…I tried this several times but I couldn’t make it, she replies. Give me a moment, I will get back to you soon when I derive the solution, the boy replied. She was happy to get that. The exam finishes they were almost at the end of the 1^st year and both of them were ready to get back home after the first year break. They were discussing in the kitchen about their plan, where they have travelled and the boy told him about his plan that he is going to prauge. She told him it is a very beautiful city, she liked it very much but she told him she lost her souvenir. The boy told he can buy for her if she likes, the girl replied yes! it would be nice. That was the last moment they saw each other and till then he couldn’t say anything to the girl.  When he returned from vacation before going home, she was already gone and he couldn’t give her the souvenir. He thought they are never going to meet again and he gave the souvenirs to his friends in his country but sometimes it is not the destiny people thinks, a lot of thing happens beyond expectation…

So, finally back into the life of fighting again after a 2 peaceful years of Master’s in K.U. Leuven. But surprisingly I couldn’t feel how the masters ended when I was proclaimed on the 4th of July, 2012. I expected there will be special cloth to put on, there will be announcement, there will be party but unfortunately nothing happened. Since, K U Leuven officially doesn’t have any graduation ceremony, just a small reception by the faculty you belong to and the announcement of your result. Any way I missed big ceremony in my bachelor, then in Masters but I am sure PhD will not be empty….after all someone very special told me Bachelor is chicken egg, the Masters is the chicken chicks and PhD is the grown up chicken that can be cooked for four years with lot of ingredients and finally on the day of defense the Jury members will chop the chicken whichever way they wish, one should be careful that you are boiled enough within the period of 4 years otherwise they will throw you out of the plate…But no offense please…its just radical theory of my own…

But lets talk about what I did from the day of graduation until today…hmm where should I begin?? let me begin by the lunch we had afterwards our graduation proclamation. My friend John and couple of us selected a restaurant at Brussels central, where the street commonly known as the food corner for rich tourist to taste the “B…..d” food..I don’t wanna say the full word. So we ordered and as usual we were looking for the cheap one…but some of us in between ordered the “Steak”, since it was 44 euros they just wanted to share. When the steak was served I was cursing my self ” why didn’t I ordered those delicious steaks”…so  I was looking at them and enjoying my tiny small piece of Rabbit leg. This could all have been ended in nice way but mistake we made by choosing the restaurant already…..the bill appeared and the Steak eating people had to pay 88 euros,,,,ahh! what a brutal shot by the restaurant owner. The theory was simple according to them they served for two people in one plate…but I was bit relaxed as I paid only 12 euros for my meal…after all not a bad day hah!

But I am sure my two friends will never gonna try Steak in their life at least as long as they are in Leuven..he he ……

I will continue the next chapter in the coming blog…since no body will read the blog..I am in no hurry..

It’s been a quite long time since I stopped posting but now suddenly I realize I should continue it especially when I feel really boring. I was thinking about uncertainty, recently there’s been a lot of talk about this topic, well the reason is a lot of mathematical modeling and special attention given by my statistical professor. Every time I saw him fighting for the best predictive nature, even I was wondered when he predicted uncertainty from the data set which is supposedly giving a wrong prediction. Of course  this is no wonder to a well experienced person and I was even wondering when this global scale climate model was predicting uncertainty and people were (I mean to say researcher) fighting each other to find the best predictive value.

I was wondering how about this uncertainty in life. Will it be possible for experienced people like them to apply this statistical rule to predict the future of life based on previous dataset of a person or investigate the nature with someone who passed away and left a lot of evidence……I am sure statistician will find a way to make a best fit line passing through the mean having a regression square value of 1.0 (the so called best fit) and neglecting the outliers (the extreme events in life……could be anything)

But to be honest is it possible to throw away those outliers in life like the statistician do considering them as error to the data…

I am sorry to be sadistic all the time but to me these outliers in human life brings back the situation which you never expected for……..

Actually it was a bit of nervous in me that kept me tensed all the time. In fact, the plane journey was awfully awfully bad with all the harassment  on the way. But all just swept away in a moment when I finally get myself admitted and emerged with the Check of scholarship grant in my hand….thanks to Arif, as he really did helped me a lot to get to know everything. And I must say he is not like someone who is preparing everything for a newcomer rather he pushed me to do it by myself. I am really grateful to him.

I missed the permanent housing by the margin of one hour. If I would have arrived one hour earlier, if I would only have… but the temporary housing is not so bad and when I get back to room I was so tired that I couldn’t get myself stay awake..I just fall into sleep without eating….

I guess kind a hell of a journey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just can’t involve myself on to any thing……..

It was going fine! hot sunny day, too much heat and less softness in the weather. Meanwhile something just caught up my sight and it is nothing but the thing I hate most is the dying someone around me and crying out at loud voices. One of my neighbor killed himself by drinking poison today.

He was one house behind me. Don’t know why and don’t wanna know either, may be he had some difficulties which he couldn’t bear and he was at the extreme point when there’s nothing to do.

I can hear the crying of his relatives when the corpse arrived from the hospital after autopsy, when I was writing this.

Hah! life make things very shit…………

Today it was an another hard day to begin.  From the very beginning in the morning till I went to the office I was very disturbed by the memory of the dieing face of my mother. As long as I was in the bus memories were chasing after me and I can’t help my self to get rid of that. After reaching office it was still hitting me until I get involved with work. Kind of relief was that.

In these days I just don’t know can’t feeling well. Mentally breaking down into some dark hole. I can’t make my self stay at home, its a kind of death valley for me. I go to office though there’s no work left for me now there. What should I do?

At home the only best friend is computer and the internet. But it has also its limitation. It hearts me when most of the time at evening I was left alone at home and there’s no electricity.

What a strange human life..

I am feeling that this depression is pulling me down and I can’t push my self up. Feeling sad, being silent all the time, loss of pleasure and activities, inability to sleep and feeling worthless with excessive guilt making my daily life harder and harder at every step.

Can’t control it, though I am trying to control but every time I am getting out of the track……..

Just Imagine! I was waiting for this kind of news as I am used to. I know I’m definitely going to have another year of bad luck. To my surprise I am getting the news out of my 8 scholarship application 2 result published and they were negative saying “I regret to inform you that, despite the quality of your candidature, the rank of this one has not been sufficient to access to the main or reserve lists.”

I must be damn and GOD MUST BE CRAZY.

What a luck!

Another mentally tortured day, just can’t get rid of these things. Who knows when I will be out of this. Today my father blamed me again for not been able to complete Master’s degree. He now finds every fault with me and I have intentionally didn’t complete my Master’s degree. Hah! how people changes time to time. I have seen changing others but never expected my family to do so.

I guess its the habit of human nature. I wasted everything for the sake of family, yet again now I find saying “Why you wasted your time nobody told you to do so” Yeah! right nobody told me to do so. I was just been a crazy dumb to do so.

It hearts me very much like nothing else. I guess Aamir Khan’s Three Idiots should add another Idiot like me; Number Four Idiot.