Engineering my Dream World

Yesterday we family member’s completed Ma’s funeral ceremony successfully.

I hope to day isn’t going to be last day, writing at local time of BD 5.40pm. Ma still in unconscious mode, oxygen going on at 1.5 liter per hour but nothing is happening she is not responding, not hearing, not feeling any pain, not calling me to turn over one side which she would have told about 100 times by this time…I don’t know what’s going to happen, to night a night …I hope not it will make everyone to remember. Time is passing by. At evening my uncle(meso) and aunt(masi) came. They stayed tried to talk to ma but no response, still unconscious. I checked her eye pupil with torch and it responded. I was hoping that she will overcome again as like she did in her previous attack due to her good heart. We took tea with Bapi and thought may be ma will say to me “O shanku ekto cha de na” and I will again quarrel with ma that no tea will be given to you, it will harm you, and ma then said to me “kicchu hobe na” and finally every time in bargain ma wins and I loose, so tea was served. But that day nothing such happened. At night my maternal uncle called how she was but yet they didn’t come to see ma. After dinner Bapi told me take a nap for some time, then he will sleep I guess Bapi was sure that night will be very long. I slept just laying on the bed then after few hours I told bapi you go to bed. He went to bed. Me stayed by ma side near her head. And she was taking her long breathing, process was going on continuously, heavy breathing… her lips were drying continuously. I wet the lips with just touch of a water, yet again after few minutes, again I wet ed her lips. There after about 20 minutes later ma began to make noise. I don’t know what she was talking about or what she was asking for but the noise seems to be heard as “Ma” then I gave her some water with spoon she took it inside, may be she was asking for that, again I feed her some. I called Bapi to wake up, Bapi came and he also gave ma some water. Bapi checked ma’s pulse and it was slowing down, I increased the Oxygen level but no result, she was slowing down then within a second of eye drop Ma stopped her breathing. I couldn’t believe she was gone, still I was checking her pulse but she was gone, gone forever on this very morning of 28th January, 2008. Bapi cried, masi cried but there was no tear in my eyes, no pain I was feeling, don’t know why, may be I was too hard hearted or may be I can’t realize. I send msg to my brother, no reply then I called him directly who is in Australia. I cried then while telling him. It’s just I can’t explain… Bapi and my uncle then went for calling every one but nobody responded instantly except my uncle’s mother and his sister. After an hour later my maternal uncle came. We exactly don’t know what to do now cause the person who would know the religious system is now in deep sleep. My M.uncle told us we ought to bring down ma from the bed and bring her to our Tulsi tola. We did that as per he told us. Then one by one every one began to came. My uncle(Raghu)’s daughter came and sat beside my ma’s head side and began to recite GITA which was religious thing needed to be done . Bapi went for calling the Priest and told his brother to buy the necessary things to perform ma’s funeral. Mean while everyone came one by one to see ma for the last time. Then one by one every item that was necessary was sort out and put together. After the podium was made to bring to her to final destination we hold ma up and let her move to her podium. 4 people Raghu, Ciku, Manosh and me self took the podium on us and started for. Kirton song was sung through out the way and Khoi and coin was spread ed while we march forward. It took about 15 minutes to reach to our holy graveyard. After reaching there we bring down ma to a separate room, where her cloths will be changed. Then the priest told me to supply water from the river nearby for her bath and then again bring one pot of water from the river and put down on Ma Top to down 7 times. I did exactly what I was told. Then I moved outside. Masi (Rina) bathed ma and put her the new sari, oiled her hair, polished her skin with Ghee and gave designed Tilok to he forehead. Bapi gave the Sidur for the last time. Then Bapi me and another person together we hold ma and took her to cita. Wooden blocks were placed upon her. I was told to move about seven times around my ma with a burning stick, I did and after that I was told to look ma for the last time and fire in the woods and walk away from there. It was very painful, I cried a lot after doing that.

That’s all, everything being herself in physical was finished….

What a surprise world we live in where being born and dieing bears no meaning, Meaning that only account us “Love” that either augment or lessens with time. I don’t know what will be in my case but it’s for sure that I will miss ma my whole life cause in the whole world nobody loved such as my ma did, I will miss her cooking, miss her punishment, miss her talking with me. But I knew she always bearded her self some pain and some dream. I’ll always hate those who have caused her pain and for the dream that’s my duty.

My journey starts from here so to fulfill her dream. I don’t know whether I can fulfill them or not but there won’t be no laziness from my side. My friends mother said that ma will be watching us. I wish sometimes when I make something wrong ma would punish me with her hand..

I know someday I’ll die too but I wanna make remember the last moment of my ma forever. Time heals everything but still sometime I want to get that feeling that will make me pain and with this writing I’ll fill that.