Today completes the 4 year of my graduation. Looking behind time, if some one asks me what you have earned? There’s nothing I can say. I have gained nothing but endless pain through out these 4 years of my life. Lost 4 valuable years, lost my mother. When I was at university my senior school mates always advised me to make good results. They used to say if you make good results, you will lead a good life. I felt sorry for them for their painful post university life. A good job, a secure life was so much meaningful to them. I never thought I may some day feel like them. I made good university result, unfortunately couldn’t make use of that result. Just hanging myself to a job, what else I could do. Yes! according to my father, fault is all mine. I couldn’t move leaving them alone. And now I’m giving painful return of that fault. Every bit of time I spend painfully. Even the other family members never feel a slightest grief for me. I know that’s God damn true. Why they would be? No body could feed the opportunity all prepared to me. I know I have to do that by self.
Some time I think who says I’ve earned nothing. I have learned how to clean room, how to sweep floor, how to cook and how to listen the laughing when other mocks at me and how to reduce the skill. One of my class mates became Assistant Professor; he is now going to USA. He laughs at me. When I was at university, I was the one who knows how to grab scholarship, what are the requirements of different countries for getting admission. I used to tell them. By luck here I’m all behind them. Funny life and funny fate, I was very depressed by his words. I know I have lost my nerve. I hardly could manage to stay normal for a day or two. Then again depression. I talk less in fear that I might do bad behave with people. Sometimes I think I may kill myself. May be that relief’s a bit. The only one listener, my mother, she is not here. I could never imagine life could be so painful. I spent time on the net, at least which makes me busy behind these thoughts.
I earnestly request to all please don’t mock at me.